No, Minister?
Though I obviously never touch lefty rags like the Guardian, I was on this occasion alerted to a rather useful wall-chart that explains who is who in the government.
Now, no matter how many times I look, I cannot for the life of me find my name ANYWHERE! If you do see it, make sure you tell me, I would hate to turn up in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Again I say it is just baffling that I was not offered a position. Why on earth would they not select me as a shining example of the Tories? It must be all those silly liberals getting in the way of government already.
In fact, that can be the first job for all the young, ambitious and enthusiastic Tories who have been emailing in their Curriculum Vitae in the dozens, in the hopes of making my tea for the next 5 years. The position is, of course, filled, by my nanny, who has been making tea for about 40 years. However, if anybody can spend the time explaining how the photocopier works, nay, just doing my photocopying, it would be most useful. Young Tories will have enough money not to require a salary, which will make my expenses look much lower.
Dear Mr Rees-Mogg
I, like all of your constituents, am deeply disappointed that you have been overlooked for a ministerial position. I suppose this will give you more time to focus on your business activities.
Tory Boy
I hope this post is intended as an ironic aside and that you will take your responsibilities within Parliament and, in particular, on the European Scrutiny Committee, with rather less frivolity.