I shall be back

We all know that yours truly is no stranger to apologies, so it will come as no surprise to the general public to receive this one.

I apologise for not writing since government ministers were appointed. At the risk of sounding like our egregious former Prime Minister, “I have been getting on with the job.” I made my maiden speech some time ago, and I am not just trying to get into the habit of finding my office, which is surprisingly difficult.

I look forward to sharing, but not leaking, information jolly soon.

JRM MP

YES YOU DID!

Just as I was becoming impatient, I heard the news that David Cameron is now the Prime Minister!

I was rather concerned for a while that the rest of the Tory Party was not pulling its weight, considering my resounding electoral victory.

In any case, the Tories are back in power! It is lamentable that we were not popular enough to win the race ourselves and secure a majority, but we are in now and that is all that matters.

A big “Thank You” is owed to the Liberal Democrats, without whom none of this would have been possible. You voted Clegg, but you got Cameron, which is what you wanted all along.

Chancellor George Osborne.

Foreign Secretary William Hague.

You did that.

I shall be waiting by the phone intently tomorrow. I wonder which ministry I will get!

I should have been Doctor Who

I am coming to you from an undisclosed location.

I have been locked up in a Conservative bunker on my own all day. Chris Greyling has also been removed from the campaign but he has his own safe-house somewhere else. Mr Cameron thought it unwise to put us together in case a sneaky journalist manages to discover my whereabouts.

So, rather bored, I discovered the television show Doctor Who, and I must say I was rather impressed! Take a look at the hero, does he perhaps remind you of somebody?

That’s right! Clearly the New Doctor is based on the New MP for North East Somerset!

I think it is a welcome change from the known lefty David Tennant. I was particularly pleased that this episode featured the Doctor bringing down a Police State. Very much like the one that has been created under 13 years of Labour! With another 5 years of Brown, I am certain we shall see the introduction of those Smiley Beasties.

Next week, I notice another good old Tory, Winston Churchill, will be making an appearance. I cannot wait, thank goodness I do not have to do any campaigning.

Tags: Chris Greyling, Doctor Who

Finally a place to call my own

As the Prospective Parliamentary Candidate for North-East Somerset, I am elated and enchanted to be able to present to you my innovative new website. As part of a directive from the management of the Conservative Party I have been encouraged to construct a blogg as a component of our stratagem to make our Party appear modern and contemporary.

Me out campaigning; my gate at home is MUCH bigger!

From an individual standpoint, I am predominantly enthusiastic to commence writing as I perceive that it shall become a tremendous instrument which will enable me to connect with my future constituents without actually having to see them; in fact I no longer need to leave London on the weekends!

Admittedly, the Conservative Party leadership is in all probability somewhat discontent with my new digital exploration, as they have told me on several occasions to remain silent at all costs and do nothing until we return to power after 12 years of detritus. Nevertheless, I feel it is my duty as a Conservative and an Englishman to stand up and voice my opinions on whatever I judge worthy of comment.

The more quick witted of you will remember my previous site, which was full of spelling mistakes and typographical errors, and even my corporate on-line presence was criticised by the periodicals. I will ensure to avoid such a calamitous embarrassment this time around. Hopefully I will learn the finer techniques that come with owning a blogg very soon.

I look forward to you returning shortly.

Best wishes,

Jacob Rees-Mogg