A plague on shoddy journalism!
Hello all. I still have not yet been allowed out in public but I have been leafing through the Conservative Manifesto (or should I just say conservative with a small ‘c’?).
When it came through my door I actually believed it was a genuine invitation to join the government of Britain. Well done to Mr Cameron, I thought, he’s already got his cabinet ready for our inevitable return to power, and I am firmly on the bandwagon!
Anyway, I would just like to calm a reader’s fears; he sent a link to The Man Who Does The Typing , who alerted me to this sentence:
Perhaps this saying was echoing in the minds of Dominic Johnson, Edward Robertson and former Conservative politician Jacob Rees-Mogg when they left Asian and emerging markets specialist Lloyd George Management – named after founder Robert Lloyd George, great-grandson of the former prime minister – in April 2007 to set up their own business.
I know what you are thinking, “Oh no! Former Conservative politician?! Say it is not so, Jacob, say it is not so!” (That is you saying that). Well, readers, fear not, I am sure it is just a mistake.
Far from being a former Conservative politician, I am more of a former, future and thoroughly present Conservative politician!
Do not forget, this is my third General Election as a candidate, I was in Fife (1997), then in Shropshire (2001), now I am in North East Somerset. Third time is indeed the charm!
So, I am sure the article was just alluding to my several previous candidacies and selection battles. I haven’t been giving the old heave-ho yet!
Another donation plea
What ho all. Day seven in my undisclosed bunker location and I am beginning to feel a little jaded.
Oh, and I hate to have to do this, but I need to ask you for another donation!
Believe me when I say I do not like asking for money, for it is (obviously) something to which I am wholly unaccustomed. Unlike saying sorry, I am a dab-hand at that considering however many voters I have upset. Not to mention the instances too numerous to name whereupon I have been hauled over the coals in Cameron’s Central Conservative Party (CCCP) Headquarters, though fortunately it is not too far from where I live in London. Although I must admit they tend to lock the doors as they see my Bently pass by.
In any case, back to my donation request. Last week I sent out a plea and explained the problem we have with a lack of people willing and able to help the campaign, although since I have already won (if I stay out of the way long enough) I am not entirely flapped.
However, we have had to move the goalposts somewhat.
Last week I spoke of a target of £12,000. You shall see that from today we have had to be rather more modest in our ambitions. The target is now a meagre £500. I am happy to report thus that we are already 30% there! Granted that was the £150 I put in myself, and understood that it was already there, on my My Conservatives home page.
Oh jolly good, hold on a moment. The Man Who Does My Typing says I can insert a gadgetmobob here. Let us see:
Did it work? I do hope so!
Moving on to other business: That dratted press is chasing me again! From the Sunday Times no less, my chum Murdoch runs half the British Media and still poor Jacob gets no break. No rest for the wicked as they say; wicked means good nowadays, does it not?
You may possibly remember this photograph from The Telegraph, I thought it was appropriate to show me “out and about” with my office manager.
Back to the Times, yesterday they went with a large story on yours truly, entitled “Maybe he’s canvassing in the King of Spain’s Private Loo.”
Naturally this is an incredibly erroneous statement. First, I am NOT permitted to do ANY canvassing at all. Second, much as I enjoy the company of royalty, I am wholly uninterested in the affairs of Spain and Europe in general. The further away and more isolated Britain is, the better!
Finally, Camilla Long, I am very rich, I am very posh, but I object to being called the barmy candidate! That is of course the title to apply to Nick Clegg. (Though you are spot on to say that Keynsham is a “a typically poky drag of pound shops and pet stores”. I hate it there, not least the people.
I should have been Doctor Who
I am coming to you from an undisclosed location.
I have been locked up in a Conservative bunker on my own all day. Chris Greyling has also been removed from the campaign but he has his own safe-house somewhere else. Mr Cameron thought it unwise to put us together in case a sneaky journalist manages to discover my whereabouts.
So, rather bored, I discovered the television show Doctor Who, and I must say I was rather impressed! Take a look at the hero, does he perhaps remind you of somebody?
That’s right! Clearly the New Doctor is based on the New MP for North East Somerset!
I think it is a welcome change from the known lefty David Tennant. I was particularly pleased that this episode featured the Doctor bringing down a Police State. Very much like the one that has been created under 13 years of Labour! With another 5 years of Brown, I am certain we shall see the introduction of those Smiley Beasties.
Next week, I notice another good old Tory, Winston Churchill, will be making an appearance. I cannot wait, thank goodness I do not have to do any campaigning.
Tags: Chris Greyling, Doctor Who
Get off my lawn!
The press have been camped out on my doorstep in Somerset trying to catche a glimpse of yours truly. (Joke’s on them!)
One reporter has had to be thrown off my land for trespassing and trying to get an interview, from the Sunday Times I think. It is rather annoying because my father, Lord William Rees-Mogg used to be the editor. I would expect them to show more sympathy.
I am absolutely fed up of these ghastly journalists who think they have a god-given right to be spoken to. I am not available for comment! I have already explained here that this is the only way I shall communicate, partly because Conservative Office have explicitly forbidden me from making or doing anything.
As if this were not enough, the internet has now learned of my curfew, notably Sally Bercow, the Speaker’s Wife (and all around lefty traitor) and journalist Camilla Long has been creating a fuss as well.
So, I shall say this one more time: All I am supposed to do is sit quietly, VERY quietly, and wait to be elected!
Tags: general election, photo ops
They think it’s all over… it is now!
What better way to start off the campaign than with a sporting catchphrase! Granted it comes from 1966, when ghastly lefty Harold Wilson won a massive majority. I assure you the outcome will be rather different this time!
I was rather busy yesterday in the City, but my office staff managed to crank out a short press release to act as a starting whistle. I will not attempt to tread on their toes, so instead I shall just tantalise you a smidgen: (I got in trouble for jumping the gun and breaking the embargo last time! It’s funny how my blogg is more effective at getting out the news than the official North-East Somerset Tory site)
“Jacob Rees – Mogg was selected as candidate for the newly formed constituency of North East Somerset, (formerly Wansdyke), in 2007 thus fulfilling his ambition to represent the Somerset parliamentary seat in which his family has lived for generations.”
This sets the tone for my campaign very well, in that there will not be much of a campaign. I have written here previously about the lack of activists, my media-ban (which I hope to break, though Conservative Head Office have been on the phones already!) and other problems we face, but none of this matters any more as this election is already in the bag!
David Cameron kicked off the campaign (more football phrases to appeal to local types) in London. I signalled my availability, but a party official told me that we were to be gathering in Kensington Gardens. Imagine my surprise as I arrived and had nobody to canvass but the ducks, who were so hostile they must have been Labour fowls. The official must have been mistaken, they would never have sent me to the wrong place deliberately.
Cameron is hiring a private plane to jet him around the country during the campaign. I have no idea why he needs another one, but it would have been better to clone him as he is apparently the Tory Party’s only asset.
See you in May!
Tags: david cameron, general election
Lord King of Bridgewater
On Friday March 26 North East Somerset Conservative Party members attended what will probably be their last social gathering before the General Election – a dinner held in Farmborough Village Hall. Guest of honour was Lord King of Bridgewater formerly Secretary of State for Defence and for Northern Ireland – perhaps better known as Tom King. In a witty speech, he reminded the audience that politics was in many ways like practising to play a piece of music; it was necessary to keep on doing it till it was right and perfect. The Labour Party was now in a very different proposition from when Tony Blair was elected in 1997. Blairism in his view was now dead, and the present Labour Party had now almost given up. In areas such as defence, where there had been numerous defence ministers, none of whom had any previous background or experience in defence matters, he regarded it as scandalous that long delayed defence orders for new ships, helicopters and tanks were now being placed by the Labour Government in its dying days instead of when the troops had needed them years ago. Voters in the forthcoming election should exercise their right to vote – and vote Conservative.
The above was a Press Release we sent out a few days ago.
I’m very glad to have had the good fortune to welcome Lord King of Bridgewater to North East Somerset. As the communiqué mentions, this was our last social gathering before my election and thus probably the only visit we will have from a fellow Tory Grandee. I had hoped that Mr Cameron or Mr Osborne or anyone quite frankly would make the journey out here, but I’m still waiting to hear back. Ho Hum.
On the other hand, Lord King has always been more than willing to visit Somerset. In November I read that he visited the Bath Conservative Future Society (sadly I was not invited and only discovered the event after it had taken place.)
In fact, Lord King was the only Tory to come and visit my predecessor, Mark Prisk, in 1997. Though I was campaigning as a candidate in Fife at the time.
Response to the Budget
My most sincere apologies for letting this blogg go unattended for such a prolonged period of time. I made a rare trip to the constituency in Somerset this week; not to do any campaigning (I am not allowed to speak to ordinary people as it tends to upset them) but instead to stock up on cider before the Chancellor hiked up the price. Of course, I would never consume cider myself, but it serves as a decent pay-off for the gardener. After he has finished the lawn, not before!
This brings us on the the budget. You will undoubtedly be surprised to hear that in fact, I was rather pleased with what the Chancellor said.
Fellow Tories posing as the Labour elite. Most ingenious pretending to play for the other team!
You must now be asking why on earth would the most Tory candidate of all Tory candidates approve of a ghastly Lefty Labour budget. Naturally, the egregious Darling was still putting off the inevitable, avoiding making the cuts we so desperately need.
Therein lies my contentment. Labour has shirked from its responsibility to slash spending and services which means it will, as always, be left to the incoming Tory Government. Imagine how delighted I am to know it will also herald my first entry into Parliament! I can assure personally that Tory cuts will be much more severe and ruthless than Labour would ever dream of.
Labour need to learn that running the economy has nothing to do with providing services and encouraging debt, the budget is a tool with which we roll back the state, cut taxes and most importantly of all reduce debt immediately.
Lefties never learn.
Tags: budget, Darling, deficit, economy, recession, services
Kraft: Capitalism at its best!
One of the most important issues facing the North East Somerset constituency, after my election of course, has been the inevitable closure of the Cadbury’s factory in Somerdale.
This is a leaflet, generously funded by Lord Ashcroft, that we sent around Somerset in Autumn 2009, in which I praise Kraft to the rafters for indicating its intent to keep Somerdale open:
In addition, here is what I said on the matter in September, as reported in the Bath Chronicle:
“As an investment professional, it seemed to me that the business case for closing Somerdale had never been properly worked out and the cost savings were phantasmagoric. That Kraft intends to keep it open vindicates this view. It shows capitalism at its best. Hostile takeovers are a warning against management complacency.”
The news release from which this quote was taken has actually been removed from my northeastsomersetconservatives.co.uk website, I cannot for the life of me think why. Perhaps my local Tories are less techno-savvy than the man who does my typing for me.
I knew all along the plant was totally worthless and there was no point keeping it open and I have been proven correct, and you have the evidence from September to show for it.
Of course, in Somerset I am all in favour of raising my future-constituents’ hopes, which have been dashed several times over already regarding the plant, so I did not believe one more time could hurt. As I result, I decided to change my tactics and have suddenly become critical of Kraft, on the face of it at least, for their misleading statements:
Here is the explanation provided by The Week In :
Instead of putting the matter to rest, I remain convinced that a little bit more posturing will help me squeeze a few more votes. Let us hope my apparent change of tune resonates in the voters’ ears!
Tags: Bath Chronicle, Cadbury, Keynsham, Kraft, Somerdale
Please donate to my campaign
I am hesitant as to whether writing on one’s blogg is necessarily proper in terms of internet etiquette, but I suppose the circumstances today are extenuating.
It is deplorable that my début article after yesterday’s brief introductory piece should be on such an uncomfortable topic, yet I can safely predict that this blogg will aid me to broadcast my rebuttal without the press printing what I say ad verbatim.
Nonetheless, I’m rather miffed at the latest harassment directed against myself in the recent edition of Private Eye. A scan is enclosed thus:
Notwithstanding the actuality that everything the commentary is factual (excluding the point about Deirdre Horstmann; our local Conservative chairman would never touch an onion, that is a job for her cook) allow me to explain the main thrust of the article.
I the strictest terms, I did indeed send a letter asking for contributions to my campaign fund so that it would enable us to reach the £12,000 benchmark, which at present is still far into the distance. To date, we only have £150.
The reason for this is simply that it is awfully difficult to dispatch members to deliver leaflets in such a semi-rural constituency (I am more accustomed to the suburbs near Hyde Park, myself). For a start, we have a dwindling number of members who wish to participate in my campaign, and those Conservatives who do remain loyal tend to be of an elderly and somewhat “eccentric” disposition, rendering campaigning rather difficult.
As a result, we have to hire delivery professionals, who are unfathomably expensive considering the manual nature of their toil. I thought those ghastly Labour fools had introduced the Minimum Wage precisely to avoid this happening! The problem is that although Lord Ashcroft has kindly donated money to my campaign and provided us with some snazzy new leaflets; we need to create a reserve fund now that the owner of the Conservative party has encountered a spot of bother regarding his non-domicile tax registration.
Though £12,000 is indeed the amount of W H Smith vouchers I give my Nanny for Christmas every year (so she cannot spend it on spirits and such), you must understand that I have had to finance two of my campaigns in Fife and in Shropshire, as well as two other selection processes, in Surrey and Kensington, the lobbying of which requires trips to restaurants, ancient wines and so on. All of this adds up over time!
I hope the matter is now resolved,
Fondest regards,
Jacob Rees-Mogg
PS. Private Eye has written so many articles about me, I cannot for the life of me comprehend why they continue to misprint my name as Rees-Smug.
Tags: Campaign Funds, Lord Ashcroft, Private Eye
Finally a place to call my own
As the Prospective Parliamentary Candidate for North-East Somerset, I am elated and enchanted to be able to present to you my innovative new website. As part of a directive from the management of the Conservative Party I have been encouraged to construct a blogg as a component of our stratagem to make our Party appear modern and contemporary.
Me out campaigning; my gate at home is MUCH bigger!
From an individual standpoint, I am predominantly enthusiastic to commence writing as I perceive that it shall become a tremendous instrument which will enable me to connect with my future constituents without actually having to see them; in fact I no longer need to leave London on the weekends!
Admittedly, the Conservative Party leadership is in all probability somewhat discontent with my new digital exploration, as they have told me on several occasions to remain silent at all costs and do nothing until we return to power after 12 years of detritus. Nevertheless, I feel it is my duty as a Conservative and an Englishman to stand up and voice my opinions on whatever I judge worthy of comment.
The more quick witted of you will remember my previous site, which was full of spelling mistakes and typographical errors, and even my corporate on-line presence was criticised by the periodicals. I will ensure to avoid such a calamitous embarrassment this time around. Hopefully I will learn the finer techniques that come with owning a blogg very soon.
I look forward to you returning shortly.
Best wishes,
Jacob Rees-Mogg