Please donate to my campaign

I am hesitant as to whether writing on one’s blogg is necessarily proper in terms of internet etiquette, but I suppose the circumstances today are extenuating.

It is deplorable that my début article after yesterday’s brief introductory piece should be on such an uncomfortable topic, yet I can safely predict that this blogg will aid me to broadcast my rebuttal without the press printing what I say ad verbatim.

Nonetheless, I’m rather miffed at the latest harassment directed against myself in the recent edition of Private Eye. A scan is enclosed thus:

Notwithstanding the actuality that everything the commentary is factual (excluding the point about Deirdre Horstmann; our local Conservative chairman would never touch an onion, that is a job for her cook) allow me to explain the main thrust of the article.

I the strictest terms, I did indeed send a letter asking for contributions to my campaign fund so that it would enable us to reach the £12,000 benchmark, which at present is still far into the distance. To date, we only have £150.

The reason for this is simply that it is awfully difficult to dispatch members to deliver leaflets in such a semi-rural constituency (I am more accustomed to the suburbs near Hyde Park, myself). For a start, we have a dwindling number of members who wish to participate in my campaign, and those Conservatives who do remain loyal tend to be of an elderly and somewhat “eccentric” disposition, rendering campaigning rather difficult.

As a result, we have to hire delivery professionals, who are unfathomably expensive considering the manual nature of their toil. I thought those ghastly Labour fools had introduced the Minimum Wage precisely to avoid this happening! The problem is that although Lord Ashcroft has kindly donated money to my campaign and provided us with some snazzy new leaflets; we need to create a reserve fund now that the owner of the Conservative party has encountered a spot of bother regarding his non-domicile tax registration.

Though £12,000 is indeed the amount of W H Smith vouchers I give my Nanny for Christmas every year (so she cannot spend it on spirits and such), you must understand that I have had to finance two of my campaigns in Fife and in Shropshire, as well as two other selection processes, in Surrey and Kensington, the lobbying of which requires trips to restaurants, ancient wines and so on. All of this adds up over time!

I hope the matter is now resolved,

Fondest regards,

Jacob Rees-Mogg

PS. Private Eye has written so many articles about me, I cannot for the life of me comprehend why they continue to misprint my name as Rees-Smug.

Tags: Campaign Funds, Lord Ashcroft, Private Eye